What's In A Name
by Haberdashing
Summary: The story of one Elsewhere University student's journey of self-discovery.


It was the summer before senior year of high school when Sam, after a lot of introspection and almost as much Googling, realized they were agender. After they first learned about the term, after they read first-hand accounts from other people who identified that way, a lot of little things that they had either tried to ignore or had dismissed altogether suddenly slotted into place.

They didn't tell anybody at first- afraid that their friends and family wouldn't understand, afraid that this would all turn out to be just a phase- but they started going solely by the "nickname" of Sam rather than their all-too-gendered birth name. And when Sam started their college search, though they didn't breathe a word of their newfound identity to their parents or guidance counselor or anyone else, they kept a look out for whether the schools on their radar were said to be good for trans students, whether they would likely be accepted or rejected by the student body at large.

And when Sam first heard of Elsewhere University, the school where students chose what to be called while attending, it quickly shot to the top of their list.

There were other reasons, of course. They were looking for a small school in a small town, and Elsewhere and the surrounding town of- Fairfield, was it?- certainly fit the bill; they wanted a school with an overall good reputation and a solid creative writing program, and Elsewhere had both; they wanted a school neither too close nor too far from home, and Elsewhere hit the sweet spot in between. But when Sam learned that going by a name besides one's birth name was not only allowed but required at Elsewhere University, well, that just about sealed the deal.

When the application asked what that name would be if the student chose to attend, Sam jotted down the name _Jordan_. They didn't think long and hard about it, didn't worry themself much about its meaning or connotation, they just picked the first unisex name that came to mind and ran with it. (Later research would turn up some bits about the name that they liked, and other bits that they didn't care for so much- but then, the same was the case for any number of other names they looked into.)

The acceptance letter came in due time, and Sam turned in their deposit almost immediately. It was happening; Elsewhere was in Sam's future. After a summer that went by surprisingly fast they were on Elsewhere University's campus, where only the parents that helped them unpack and left shortly thereafter knew them as anything but Jordan.

There was a rush, of sorts, that they felt every time their professors used the name "Jordan" to refer to them, the unisex name rolling off their tongues without the slightest bit of hesitation or uncertainty, a joy only slightly diminished when they found that the professors were similarly unfazed by classmates with names like Tequila or Goatpuncher5000.

On an impulse, "Jordan" came out to the first real friend they found on campus, worried for a brief but terrifying moment about being scorned for it but found only acceptance and more friends to come. Soon enough "Jordan" was fully out as agender on campus, and "Sam" responded to relatives and high school friends less and less as they got wrapped up in the euphoria of being somewhere where they could be themself through and through.

The school year went by quickly, a blur of late nights and tests and parties and contentment. Soon enough it was May, and almost time for their second round of finals, and they had so many friends at Elsewhere that the thought of leaving them all behind come summertime just about made their stomach turn. They were walking with a group of friends to dinner, still aching from their last rock climbing session, lagging behind the others just a little-

"Hey Jordan, hurry up a bit, would you?"

-and the last thing they wanted to do was move faster, but after hearing the friend's call they did just that, without thinking, without even really noticing the increased speed at first, only noticing that their legs hurt more and more with every quickened step.

They wrote it off at first- they'd just picked up their pace a little at a friend's urging, that was all, nothing so strange about that. But after dinner, legs still aching, when all they wanted to do was go lie in bed, a tall man who went by Boxer and who they shared a history class with said "Jordan, could you look over my essay for me? You're good with words and all, and my essay's kind of shit right now," and they found themself hastily taking a seat next to Boxer rather than continuing to trudge towards their dorm room.

That night- after reading over Boxer's essay which was in fact in pretty horrendous shape, giving a few pointers and excusing themself at the soonest possible opportunity- they thought about how they had mindlessly put an acquaintance's desires before their own; they also thought about why the school had them all choose new names to begin with. The official school line was something about how they'd all grow closer together by shedding the names of their past, and that much seemed to ring true given their own experience, but there were rumors of other, darker reasons for the mandate. Some said that here at Elsewhere, knowing someone's true name gave you total control over them. Some had whispered in near-empty hallways that if you used someone's true name here, they would be forced to do whatever you asked, become their slave even, all because of the power of a name.

After ruminating on this issue some, after realizing that there was only one name which they really identified with anymore, after connecting those strange rumors to the equally strange reality of what had happened this evening, Jordan was forced to conclude that they were truly and utterly screwed.


End file.
